You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
