last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
