Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
