Don't make out with my wife yet
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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