your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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