I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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