Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
this just has baby written all over it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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