omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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