walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
