i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
