i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
