2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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