The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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