Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
