I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
