sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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