Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
