i need an iv and a liver transplant
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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