maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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