Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
