I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
