I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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