Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
