My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
