I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize