Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Everyone says I win the strip club
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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