i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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