Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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