I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You dont lie about slip and slides
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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