there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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