I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
