Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
