i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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