I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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