"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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