So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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