White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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