you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
