so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
