god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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