And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
