Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize