Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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