Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
