What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize