you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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