that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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