so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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