Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
