Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
