enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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