I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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