does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
