Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
