Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
