I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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