We're like a lot better than the average bears
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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