I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize