i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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