True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
