Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
