The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
its liver damage thursday
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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