you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
