I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
