Old men and throwing up are my life now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
