Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize