Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
