Are we in a gay sports bar?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
