I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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