She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
