i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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