Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just forgot I was standing up.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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