i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
